Look who's there

[lokuro]

It occurred to me that I haven't posted since... forever? Which is a shame, since I'm the one to always mourn the loss of a platform where we can just exchange news and keep in touch :'D

So, sinceletsgetshitdone kicked me into using DW again - a fast synopsis of the last few months?


I've got my Doctor rer. nat. and in Göttingen when you get your title, you have to kiss the Liesel <3 (also, look at that amazing owl themed graduation hat I got from my ever so talented colleagues!) 





After getting my diploma, I considered a change of course and tried to be a cosmonaut for a while: 



After putting an extraterrestrial carrier aside, I took up macro... (Lavender & Aloe Vera, let me know if you are interested in images with a scale bar ;D)





... and astrophotography! (I've missed the blood moon, b/c Göttingen was all cloudy that night .__." But at least I've got a good look at the regular one)



.. as well as gardening! (I'm so proud of my meager harvest)
  

... and tried my hand at felting ugly animals :'D                 


Visited an anime convention (Connichi) and decided that I really should take up cosplay again >( Here you can see a very cheap attempt at a steampunk pirate (I wanted to do Black Sails first, but it was way too spontaneous for something that complicated ._.) and my first try at Garak make-up from DS9 (also my old Schuldig and I still hang out together, so I guess we might as well take up WK again?)

  

Now, to mention also the not-so-pleasant things: I had an eye surgery (yet another, the 6th one to be precise. Healthy eyes were never my strong suit...) My partner still managed to take a sexy photo of me, even though I felt awful :'D Otherwise, the surgery did not go as well, as I'd hoped (I still have some troubles since one of the eyes lost its tension down to 3 mmHg, shrinked and started to act strangely :'D) but it could have been a lot worse! So, that's ok. I guess? I am still recovering but it's getting better every day :3 (however, there might be another surgery in Nov/Dez? We''ll see.)
 
 

So, now to the future plans!

• Visit England for a week!~ (It might sound silly to go to England to watch Russian Ballet, but I am as decadent as that (also it's La Bayadère ♥). Furthermore, my partner bought some mystery theater cards for Sunday, but I promised not to google any amazing theater performance on the 11th of Nov, so no spoilers, please ;) Considering that he listened to all my fandom talk, it might be a SciFi alien homoerotic British murder comedy, performed in Ancient Egyptian? o__0

• I really have to start sending my job applications, so that I might get something starting next year? I will also need to do a an IELTS test (which means back to learning) and I feel a bit self-conscious about that :/ And about any hypothetical job interviews.

• ... and of cause, just as any other procrastinating fan out there, I'd love to start creating again! Ever since the surgery, my mind has been so hollow, it's almost scary (it was just local anesthetics, so that I'm pretty sure they did not accidentally remove my brains or such...) A few weeks it's ok to vegetate and regenerate, but now I don't have any excuse. 

How are you been doing, dear f-list? ♥

Comments

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Congratulations on your doctorate!! Love the cap. ♥

I'm sorry the surgery didn't go as well as hoped. :( (Six surgeries? I will immediately stop feeling grumpy about my vision.) Though fwiw your post-op photo looks like a million times better than I look in even pre-op photos, so you're winning there, at least! ;D

Hope you have a wonderful time in England next month! And good luck on your upcoming job applications!

(You asked how we've been doing, and I had to boggle that your synopsis of the past few months is more than I think I've done in the entire year! XD Whoops. You gotta send some of that energy my way. Uh, in July I had to spend thousands of dollars on a diagnostic surgery to see wtf was up with my lungs [just a stupid virus that Will Not Go Into Remission] and it was as unhelpful as it was expensive, bah. Hmm... I'm struggling to think of anything exciting. This exhibit of Murakami's massive insane paintings was a good time. I'm thinking 2018 has not been a thrill ride, so not much to report. XD But I have a few months left!)

[lokuro]

(edit: I just posted the comment again because I apparently I forgot how to html on DW :'D)

Thank you! ♥

I am a bit nervous about the possible job applications .__." My CV looks quite good but in person I often blackout when I am too nervous (and might even faint if there is too much excitement :'D :'D :'D). But I hope for the best!! (also, it would be a nice change if my partner & I won't need 3h on a train to see each other -.-" but somehow I doubt this is ever going to happen in the current economy :/)

I am sorry to hear about your lungs .__." Does they still bother you? :/ *shakes my fist at the evil virus to intimidate it into the remission* Since one of the problems with my eyes is also a virus, I fully sympathize with having one of those fuckers inside you (that sounded creepy :'D). Then again, my virus is a common one, but it managed to get to the retina (which only happens in 0.1% of all cases) from the nerves in my brains and this mostly results in encephalitis, so I actually am extremely lucky that it just cost my a huge part of my eye sight but not the brains :'D Yeah. It was meant to sound positive? And reassuring. :'D
Ok, now I feel like we are two old ladies complaining about their old bones XD I hope your lungs will give you peace and lots of fresh air <3

Looking forward to England! *_* (actually, the plan was to visit the USA but since my surgery went a bit south I decided to postpone this one -.-" next year!! <3)

I am sending any excess energy your way! <3
(seriously, it's not always good being so "active" all the time :'D First, each time it cease, I just flat stop functioning :/ On the other hand, even in my free time I feel like I have to be rushing somewhere... Perhaps it's an atavism from the hard PhD years? Like this voice in your head that keeps whispering "You are not relaxing enough!! You should be relaxing a lot harder! Why don't you try to visit more friends or stay at home with a book but *more intensely*?? Try to enjoy it harder to make the most of your holiday before the work starts again. Relax1111!!!!!!". That voice is really annoying :'D Who knew having free time can be so exhausting?)

You beat me at the art department! (not a surprise :D) this year I wasn't to an art museum at all :( The last one was 2017 in Nürnberg and we saw an exhibition by Jorinde Voigt.
Oh, I like it~ Murakami's art look a bit like Ghibli on drugs (but in a good sense!). I hope you'll visit mory crazy art exhibitions next year :3

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I will be keeping my fingers crossed for you for a job closer to your partner, and for a good interview experience. Different country/different field, but I had to be on a panel interviewing people for a job at our place twice this year, and honestly I felt closer to the nervous people (I'm a pretty nervous person myself!). If their CV is good and they've made it to the interview process, mostly I felt the in-person stuff was just to see if they had the right vibe, and nervousness didn't interfere with my getting a sense of their professionalism or personality. All that to say: I believe in you!

Blackouts sound rough to bear! Do you have an anti-anxiety medication to help in those moments? Those help me with my panic attacks. Though I know that strong anxiety can just come on fast.

Thank you for the energy--I will need it!!

I'm so sorry about your sight! That is so unfair, and wow, I'm indeed grateful it did not go for the brains. !!!! I hope if you have a future surgery ahead it has a better outcome. ♥

I feel you--mine's a common virus too--cytomegalovirus (CMV)--and although it's also one of those that is usually a mild-to-nothing virus for most people, it can rarely sometimes attack the retina or go the encephalitis route, or go after the liver or intestines, and for me it decided to go for my lungs(?????), but not in the pneumonia way. Just in the hard-to-breathe-way. Since it's a chronic thing I have to do my best to avoid it flaring up, but it's been active all year, and currently (major side-eye to my immune system, yo). According to the lack of info on google, getting this in your lungs is pretty unheard of in immunocompetent people like me, so idek? It's very mysterious, my pulmonologist is like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ maybe your immune system is shitty? but he's trying. It doesn't help that the only antiviral for this, valgancyclovir, is something I seem to have an allergic reaction to? Argh. I'll be breathing right in the future, I'm sure.

Haha, SORRY TO VENT. VIRUSES: not cool. (Well, I GUESS except for the times in the history of human evolution when they effected useful mutations in our DNA, and their use in healthcare advances, and maybe some other examples, BUT OTHERWISE. Not a fan.)

Nooo, sorry about your pressure-to-relax. I hope there is some quiet enjoyment in store for you, free of pressure. ♥

:O I love the exhibition you linked!! I did not know this artist. Awesome!

It IS like Ghibli on drugs! Murakami likes to put a spin on Japanese pop culture (referencing the classic, too). My favorite is Tan Tan Bo Puking, a massive 141 ¾ x 283 ½ x 3 in. (360 x 720 x 7.7 cm), which was inspired by the artist being incredibly stressed and coming down with gout, and suddenly fearing his mortality. Good times.

[lokuro]

Thank you! ♥
So far I've only had experience in university field and the transition to industry is a bit scary~ But I am optimistic :)
That's good to know! It's always interesting to see how people on the other side of the same problem come to their decisions.

I've tried out a few medications but none were perfect :/ (I was on an antidepressant for a while (mirtazapine) but it left me so tired the whole time, I couldn't even go to work :/ and beta-blocker had massive side effects so... I basically just hope to survive the attacks. People I know closer are very helpful (expect my ex-boss. One of the reasons we strongly disliked each other). It's worse when I am on bike or in a tube, but by now those are very rare! :)
I hope your anti-anxiety medication does a better job ♥

(You know, one of my PhD topics was actually designing and testing an optical sensor for spatio-temporal detection of dopamine release and if there is one thing I've learned in the last years - we are still very far from understand what exactly is going on in the brains, which makes fixing them such a darn dangerous task :'D Still - we are making good progress in the war of the soups and the sparks!)

Oh my.
You virus story is almost a mirror image of my own. I have Herpes Simplex Virus and the eyes but still it's the same virus family! :D (They are both Herpesviridae with the same shitty latent tendencies.) Funny enough I never had a skin outbreak of my HSV. That would be too easy I guess? At least my liver can process valaciclovir ok-ish.
Also as soon as the doctors released what it was (took them some time while my retina degraded), they immediately started testing me for all possible immune suppressive conditions. Apparently, healthy women in their twenties can't get it. HA! (I mean I am grateful that I was tested negative on syphilis, HIV or other really nasty things. I'm seriously grateful. But I am also so tired of hearing - I quote you - "maybe your immune system is shitty? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯") Well.
I hope we can boost our lazy ass immune systems!!!! Go, go, go, killer T-cells, mighty leukocytes warriors, and kamikaze neutrophils!!!
All the best in holding your virus in check ♥

(we also worked with neutrophils a bit (main project of another PhD student) and they are soooo cool *_* They swell, burst and throw a net made of their own DNA to capture the intruders. I always wished watching them work would stimulate my own lazy cells XD)

Sorry, I did not mean for it to be a medical blog. I just really feel you and you are not alone <3

Oooh! I love that picture! It must be awesome standing before it and stare into that toothy mouth. Vomiting and bursting with colorful sorrows and anxiety. With brightly little (and so detailed) troubles flying around it. No seriously, I love that canvas. It has this nervous cheery tone I can appreciate :D

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On a bike or in the tube, yes, that would be terrible! I am glad those are rare now!!

Oh heck yeah, I tried a beta-blocker once and it did not agree. :/ (It seems like "everything has side effects"--of course it does--but why do the anti-anxiety and anti-depression medications have to have such terrible ones?? O_O Inquiring minds want to know. I've worked through a list as long as my arm and it's exhausting.)

one of my PhD topics was actually designing and testing an optical sensor for spatio-temporal detection of dopamine release

:D Dude, you get to do the coolest stuff.

Yes, Herpesviridae! That bastard family, grr. Hoping for vaccines for future generations... It's GOTTA be a priority.

Go immune systems, go! I hope both of ours get a boost. For my part, I will try to feed her all the proper vitamins and see if that helps. (My otolaryngologist--who I was seeing because my recent bronchoscopy seems to have triggered very loud tinnitus [bc paying a couple thousand dollars isn't enough, you should have a souvenir]--gave me side eye on that aspiration, despite his advocacy of nutrition, and told me to ask my pulmonologist to recommend an immunologist for the CMV. 2018: the year of sitting in waiting rooms.)

Eee, that must have been so cool seeing neutrophils at work!

[indelicateink]

Sorry, I did not mean for it to be a medical blog. I just really feel you and you are not alone <3

Be a medical blog, I love it! XD I will always be sad my mind did not have a more scientific bent, and I could not go into that field and thrive, because IT IS TERRIBLY FASCINATING. Instead (if I had more drive), I'll just be over here anthropomorphizing herpesviruses as gangsters in illustrations. Reading there are over 130, so there's a time-killer. ;)

But it's all interesting to me, and I am so glad neither of us is alone. Thanks for being so supportive! ♥